How often do we complain that our man isn't romantic
enough or he doesn't treat you like he did when you first started dating? Come
on, admit it, we do this a lot. The way I see it, there are two sides to this.
Side one, he really has changed and he isn't romantic enough and side two, he
isn't doing what you want him to at the time.
Let's explore side two first. I'll use me as an example
because I am guilty of this one. I'm feeling 'cuddly' and he is watching TV. I
keep looking over at him with my 'don't you want to kiss me look', but he is
oblivious, totally engrossed in the television program. Out of my mouth come the
words, 'You weren't this way when we were dating.' He looks at me, obviously
confused about what brought this on and mutters something like, 'Neither are
you.' Sometimes this leads to the argument over who has changed and sometimes we
both just sit there ignoring each other. Either way, I still don't get what I
want and am in a worse position than when I started.
Recently, I've tried a new approach and I find that I am
getting much better results. It's really so simple, I’m surprised I haven't done
it in the past. I simply say, 'Wow, I really feel like kissing you right now.'
This works! I invite you to try it out and see for yourself. To make a long
story short, skip the nagging, you both will be unhappy with the results, and be
direct. Tell your man what you want.
Back to side one, your man has changed and not for the
better. To begin with, let's be honest, you have changed too. No one can go
through the different experiences that life brings without changing.
Relationships in general, change over time. In the beginning, while love is
fresh and new, we go out of our way to please each other. Time passes and we
fall into a rut. We begin to take for granted the fact that the other person
loves us, so we stop doing the special little things we did in the beginning.
There are a lot of people out there with tips on how to bring romance back into
your relationship and maybe some of them will help you, however, I feel that all
the tools we need are inside us. Think back to the way you were when you first
started dating. The little things you went out of your way to do just because it
would make him happy. Pick out one thing that meant a lot to him and do it. If
it's make him an extremely difficult dinner, don't just prepare the dinner, get
dressed up, look your best, serve wine or something special with it. Don't tell
him in advance, let it be a surprise and when he asks, 'wow, what brought this
on, or what's the special occasion,' say, 'I just wanted to remind you how much
I love you.'
I realize this is a temporary solution, but go out of your
way to do something special every so often. It's not his responsibility to be
the romantic one. Yes, he should be romantic occasionally too, but you can't
control him, you can only control you. Chances are he will be inspired to do
something special for you too.
In conclusion, remember, relationships change. Things will
never be like they were when you first got together. This isn't necessarily a
bad thing. The relationship has evolved into something stronger and more
permanent that doesn't require us to put on an act when the other person is
around just so they will keep coming around. We can be ourselves, warts and all,
and they will still love us. Just remember to add a little 'spice' to the mix to
keep things from becoming bland.