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Beyond the Happy Ending
Part 2 - The Not-The-Same Syndrome

by Patricia Fason

How often do we complain that our man isn't romantic enough or he doesn't treat you like he did when you first started dating? Come on, admit it, we do this a lot. The way I see it, there are two sides to this. Side one, he really has changed and he isn't romantic enough and side two, he isn't doing what you want him to at the time.

Let's explore side two first. I'll use me as an example because I am guilty of this one. I'm feeling 'cuddly' and he is watching TV. I keep looking over at him with my 'don't you want to kiss me look', but he is oblivious, totally engrossed in the television program. Out of my mouth come the words, 'You weren't this way when we were dating.' He looks at me, obviously confused about what brought this on and mutters something like, 'Neither are you.' Sometimes this leads to the argument over who has changed and sometimes we both just sit there ignoring each other. Either way, I still don't get what I want and am in a worse position than when I started.

Recently, I've tried a new approach and I find that I am getting much better results. It's really so simple, I’m surprised I haven't done it in the past. I simply say, 'Wow, I really feel like kissing you right now.' This works! I invite you to try it out and see for yourself. To make a long story short, skip the nagging, you both will be unhappy with the results, and be direct. Tell your man what you want.

Back to side one, your man has changed and not for the better. To begin with, let's be honest, you have changed too. No one can go through the different experiences that life brings without changing. Relationships in general, change over time. In the beginning, while love is fresh and new, we go out of our way to please each other. Time passes and we fall into a rut. We begin to take for granted the fact that the other person loves us, so we stop doing the special little things we did in the beginning. There are a lot of people out there with tips on how to bring romance back into your relationship and maybe some of them will help you, however, I feel that all the tools we need are inside us. Think back to the way you were when you first started dating. The little things you went out of your way to do just because it would make him happy. Pick out one thing that meant a lot to him and do it. If it's make him an extremely difficult dinner, don't just prepare the dinner, get dressed up, look your best, serve wine or something special with it. Don't tell him in advance, let it be a surprise and when he asks, 'wow, what brought this on, or what's the special occasion,' say, 'I just wanted to remind you how much I love you.'

I realize this is a temporary solution, but go out of your way to do something special every so often. It's not his responsibility to be the romantic one. Yes, he should be romantic occasionally too, but you can't control him, you can only control you. Chances are he will be inspired to do something special for you too.

In conclusion, remember, relationships change. Things will never be like they were when you first got together. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. The relationship has evolved into something stronger and more permanent that doesn't require us to put on an act when the other person is around just so they will keep coming around. We can be ourselves, warts and all, and they will still love us. Just remember to add a little 'spice' to the mix to keep things from becoming bland.

©Patricia Fason

Part 1 - The Nothing Syndrome | Part 2 - The Not-The-Same Syndrome | Part 3 - The Jealousy Syndrome
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