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Using Craigslist To Meet People
I've used online dating services almost since their inception when I've been single and wanted to meet someone. I started as a geeky girl in demand when there were few of us online, and from that a sort of elitist mentally spawned: online dating sites were fine, but I drew the line at the classifieds and chat rooms. For many years I've clung to this unspoken yet firmly entrenched rule of mine, and many of my friends have as well. Clients that have used Craigslist to meet people were few and far between, so I wasn't asked for advice on the subject often.
Fast forward to a few days ago, when I realized I've been single for some time and would like to start dating again. How should I meet people that I could potentially date? Sure, I can review my own list of places to meet people (and did), but I wanted to try something different. Something I'd never done before, something that might help me encounter folks I wouldn't meet otherwise, something totally out of character. A girlfriend of mine suggested Craigslist. My first reaction was to laugh, and then... well why not?
I wrote up a short blurb explaining where I was at and what I was looking for, as well as what I have to offer someone else. A quick proofread and a few mouse clicks later, my Craigslist ad was live. Would anyone reply? Would people make fun of me? How many inappropriate photos would I get? Would safe dating be an issue?
It didn't take long for the first people to answer, and I was surprised with their candor and intelligence. Yes, I did receive a few undesirable responses (which were immediately put in my spam folder so I never heard from them again), and a dating scam offer or two. Many were considerably older than what I'd expressly stated a preference for, and some were honest with their want for casual dating only. One gent sent a nasty note when I didn't reply in a timely manner, and one email was from a good friend (we shared a few laughs over that one).
All in all though, the experience was better than I'd hoped for. Its success is still pending, but if meeting new people was my only goal, Craigslist provided me with more positive interactions and opportunities than any online dating site has in years. If things don't work out with any of the Craigslist folks, maybe I'll try something even more out of my comfort zone in a few weeks' time.
But what about you? Have you used Craigslist to meet people? Why or why not? Are you concerned about safety, who will contact you, privacy or how it will come across to your friends/family? Using Craigslist To Meet People originally appeared on About.com Dating on Tuesday, September 7th, 2010 at 13:57:28. Permalink | Comment | Email this
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The Busiest Online Dating Cities This Summer...
... according to Match.com that is. I received a note from their PR folks the other day, showing some stats about which US cities were heating up their system via winks, emails and chats for the past few months. They are:
Miami, FL
New York, NY
Los Angeles, CA
Chicago, IL
Washington, DC
Dallas, TX
San Diego, CA
Phoenix, AZ
Boston, MA
Houston, TX
Do you live in one of these cities, and have you noticed more singles online and making contact this summer? Or do you disagree with this list, and feel that other locations were overlooked and deserve closer review?
Related: Projected Online Dating Growth to 2012, Top US City for Being Single in 2009. The Busiest Online Dating Cities This Summer... originally appeared on About.com Dating on Sunday, August 29th, 2010 at 19:27:22. Permalink | Comment | Email this
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Are You in a Healthy Relationship?
Some days, I get a kick out of how many dating questions revolve around whether or not a relationship is viable, healthy or just plain wrong. Others, like the day when I created the Healthy Relationship Quiz, I wonder how many of us actually know what a healthy relationship is, what it looks like in reality, and how to tell when we're in the thick of it.
On paper its easy to tell: healthy means mutual respect, love and caring without abuse, codependency or drama. But we're all human, and sometimes its a tad difficult to tell the difference between being worked on and red flag territory.
So what's your definition of a healthy relationship? What muddies the waters for you, if anything?
Are You in a Healthy Relationship? originally appeared on About.com Dating on Wednesday, August 25th, 2010 at 01:21:38. Permalink | Comment | Email this
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The Disappearing Date
We've all had it happen: you go out on a date with someone, things go exceptionally well, and then you never hear from them again.
What went wrong? Depending on how you view the world (and the date), it could go a few different ways:
- Maybe he/she got into a car accident on the way home? I should send them an email to make sure all is well.
- Wow, I really liked him/her. I can't wait to talk to them again! Hm, its been three days? I should check their Facebook status and see what's going on.
- I can't believe he/she didn't get in touch with me yet. I sent them lots of emails/called several times/stopped by their work. Why are they ignoring me? Maybe I'll send another email just to be sure they got the other ones.
- Ah, it happens. Maybe they were just grinning and bearing it and I was too focused on myself to notice.
- Hm. They weren't interested? Surprising, they seemed really into me at the time. Ah well, maybe there's something else going on that I don't know about.
- Thanks for sparing me the heartache and time, wondering what if? Now I know, and I can invest my time in other folks who are either really are into me, or who are more polite to let me know they aren't interested.
Of course, there are other possible variations - as many as there are people. So, you tell me. What's a *good* reason for disappearing after a date? When is it okay? And in turn, when is it not? Has someone ever disappeared after a date with you? What happened, and why do you think it went down that way?
Related: Bad Date Stories, Why Are They Online If They Don't Want To Date?, Why Won't He Date Me?, When He Says He Doesn't Want a Relationship, The Disappearing Date originally appeared on About.com Dating on Friday, August 20th, 2010 at 19:01:52. Permalink | Comment | Email this
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Is Dating an Admitted Alcoholic a Good Idea?
Lindsay asks: "I just met this guy who seems perfect on paper. Four dates into what seemed like a fairytale and he told me that he's a recovering alcoholic. He goes to AA meetings every week and says he hasn't had a drop to drink in three years. I don't want to throw something amazing away... he really does seem perfect. But I'm not sure I want to get involved with an alcoholic even if he's admitted it. Help?"
In a nutshell: I think it depends on your situation. Notice I say your situation and not the man you're dating. Why? Because the only person you can control or change is you. I don't know your history, nor am I aware if you or another family member has ever struggled with an addiction. But many, many folks who were raised in families where alcohol was a problem find that they are attracted to alcoholics in their romantic relationships. Or, they attract people where alcohol (or drugs, abuse, narcotics) are issues. Now this isn't always the case, and I'm also not saying that any of this is your fault. Its not. But it is something to be think about, be aware of, and act upon if its a theme in your life.
Dating someone with any sort of illness isn't easy, but the first step is the same: educate yourself. Learn everything you can, see how your date's alcoholism may affect you, and seek out preemptive support for when it does. Give it a few weeks or even months to make a decision to determine if dating an alcoholic is something you can do, or if its a deal breaker for you.
What say you, dear readers? Would you date an alcoholic? Have you? Are you an alcoholic? What factors should Lindsay take into account, and what do you recommend?
Related: Why Do I Need Help? He's the Alcoholic!, Al-Anon, Detachment. Is Dating an Admitted Alcoholic a Good Idea? originally appeared on About.com Dating on Saturday, August 14th, 2010 at 01:17:13. Permalink | Comment | Email this
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Reader Dating Stories - What's New
A roundup of this week's reader stories:
How To Recognize Love shared by Her wkelly61 (Share Your Love Story)
"Seeing that we have just met recently, and a short time has elapsed, many of my friends and family feel it is too soon to be in love. I say BULL!! I am older, wiser, and know what I want."
How To Recognize Love shared by luv4ever (Share Your Love Story)
"i am only 11. im not supposed to be "in love" but i really like him."
Defining Pansexuality shared by Elymi (Share Your Definition of Pansexuality)
"I would date a transgendered man as soon as I would a man that was born that way, and the same for women."
Flirty Text Messages shared by Elymi (Share Your Flirty Text Message Ideas)
"i said, "watcha doin?" and he said, "talking to a cute girl." i said, "oh cool whats her name?" and he said my name..."
And a reader submission:
Conscious Dating shared by Collette Kenney (Share Your Dating Blog)
"It is my mission to help you achieve YOUR mission of creating the life you love with the love of your life." Reader Dating Stories - What's New originally appeared on About.com Dating on Tuesday, August 10th, 2010 at 14:07:24. Permalink | Comment | Email this
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August is Romance Awareness Month
Thanks to a heads up from Pure Romance, I learned that August is Romance Awareness Month. Romance Awareness seemed an interesting way of phrasing things, and without any reference as to who, or why the month-long celebration started (I looked, couldn't find anything), I have to assume that it means August is the month where we should take a step back and try to create more romance in our lives - single, coupled up, or otherwise.
So with that in mind, I'll be focusing this month on romantic things to do that aren't the typical sappy-sweet Valentine's Day stuff you've heard of (or done) several times over. Rather, I want to fill this month with romantic things to do that are simple, fun, and loving - and whether that's loving yourself or someone else, it doesn't matter.
So let's start off this month with one of my favorite romantic things to do: the You Light Up My Life romantic idea. August is Romance Awareness Month originally appeared on About.com Dating on Monday, August 2nd, 2010 at 16:37:42. Permalink | Comment | Email this
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Why Won't He Date Me - Dating Question
Sandboxes asks, "I am 47, "Bob" is 39. We connected using 'Are You Interested' on Facebook and he added me as a friend. Then it turned out we have a mutual friend in his brother-in-law. I told Bob I am attracted to him and would like to meet for a coffee. Bob says he doesn't "see a match".
Two weeks ago Bob abruptly announced he just started dating someone and "it's serious". Despite this, Bob told me in the past he's too shy to approach women and he waits for them to ask him out. From what I can see of his profile, Bob is a serial dater and has children from two previous relationships. He just seems to be lost without a woman in his life and he frequently adds new women he meets on "Are You Interested".
My question: What is Bob's problem? I've told him I'm interested. He knows what I look like. He knows my background, schooling, etc. His brother-in-law has met me, knows my reputation, and in fact told me that Bob was talking about me at a family get-together recently. But Bob would rather date other women. Are all men this confusing, with mixed messages and rules that only they know?"
Sandboxes, I'm going to be blunt: Bob doesn't have a problem. You do. Why are you investing so much time and energy into a man who, by your own admission, isn't dateable nor interested? He made it clear from the start when you asked him out that he didn't see a match. How is that playing by dating rules only he knows? Sure, the rejection hurts. Yet he was honest, and I've lost count of the women who have told me throughout the years, "Why couldn't he just tell me he wasn't interested?"
Well, Bob did, but you didn't want to hear it. So what's a guy supposed to do? He's in a serious relationship now. Leave him alone, stop using Facebook to check his status, and stop analyzing why he's doing whatever he's doing. In Getting Past Your Breakup, Susan J. Elliot wisely suggests that each time you think of an ex (in this case, a man you're attached to that hasn't reciprocated) you say to yourself, "It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter." Because really, he doesn't matter. You do.
Its time to start prioritizing your needs, not some man's that you barely know. Break your bad love habits, and find some new ways to feel good. After a few weeks, you'll forget completely about Bob and will have a better relationship with yourself to offer someone new.
Related: Relationship Expectations, Am I Ready To Date Again?, Dealing with Unfinished Business, When Not To Date. Why Won't He Date Me - Dating Question originally appeared on About.com Dating on Wednesday, July 28th, 2010 at 14:22:02. Permalink | Comment | Email this
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