Relationship Advice - Conquering Boredom

by Patricia Fason

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You've been together for several years now. Sex has become routine and your relationship is in a rut. Those early days of euphoria that you felt when he/she looked your way are long gone. What do you do to revive the relationship before it stagnates and falls apart?

The Symptoms - Every relationship faces it. Boredom. Everyday is pretty much the same. You and your partner take each other for granted. Sex has become routine. You no longer catch yourself having warm fuzzy feelings about your partner and dreaming up ways to make them happy.

Instead your priorities have shifted to work, the kids, money, or what you'll get mom for Christmas. When and where it started, you're not sure. One day you wake up and it occurs to you that your sex life is boring. You may even blame your partner. The cute coworker may have caught your eye and now your wondering why your partner can't give you that kind of attention. Ok, you recognize the symptoms but how do you fix it?

The Cure - The thing that separates your relationship with your partner from every other relationship is sex. It therefore stands to reason that the way to revive your relationship is through sex. Consider it as playtime between you and your partner. Not only should it be satisfying, it should also be fun. Here are the steps that will help bring some fun back into your sex life.

• Make it a priority. First of all you need to make time for intimacy. The three main obstacles to intimacy are time, energy, and privacy. By making sex a priority, it is easier to find opportunities when both of you have the time and energy. Privacy can always be arranged.

• Feel Sexy. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel sexy. Sex is more satisfying for both of you if you are not self-conscious. Work out or dress up. Women are often more self-conscious than men. Ladies your body does not have to be perfect. If your partner loves you and you feel sexy, he will see you as sexy. Lingerie may be a way of making yourself feel attractive.

• Communicate. Let your partner know that you want to break the routine. Never be accusing or negative when telling your partner that you want to change things or you will probably get a negative reaction. You may find out that your partner feels like you do and wants to get out of the rut you've fallen into.

• Do something different Break the routine in the bedroom. Remember, it's all about fun so be creative. You might plan a day where you try to tempt each other to see who will give in first. Perhaps you could read a book and learn a new technique. You might try a romantic atmosphere with candles and music or a roaring fire. You could be adventurous and try role playing. For example, dress up and pretend you are strangers. Another idea is for each of you to write down a fantasy during the week and on Saturday you do his and on Sunday, hers. If you are uncomfortable coming up with ideas on your own, you might try a sex game and let the game lead you. Once your sex life is back on track, you will find that you feel closer to your partner.

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Why bother -  Never reach the point where you are not touching each other. Touch, whether erotic or not, is crucial to keeping your relationship on track. Again, this is not a relationship that you want to be like others in your life. One or both of you will end up cheating. Cheating often stems from boredom with the relationship. Do not give into this urge as you will be giving up more than you are gaining. If you get caught and break up, you will have all the time in the world to fool around with whoever, whenever you want. In the end you will still feel empty. What you are looking for cannot be found with a stranger. Working on your relationship, nourishing it with your attention and love, will give a much more fulfilling result. We are all looking for that special someone to fill that emptiness inside us. Who will love us through the good and bad, give our life meaning, our rock when we feel weak and our pillow when we fall. Starting over with someone new every few years makes this very difficult to accomplish.

In conclusion, think back to when you met your partner. Think about your time together and the good things you have shared. Is anything else in your life worth more effort than building on that love? It's like a precious flower. Feed it, water it, nurture it and it will grow. Tend to it only when it crosses your mind and it will wither and die. Communicate, appreciate, and have fun. These are the key ingredients to adding zest to a relationship rut.

©Patricia Fason