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How to Break Up -
Do's, Don'ts, and Should You?

by Patricia Fason

When a relationship comes to end and no one is really to blame, breaking up is tough. You are ready to move on but still care about the other person and dread hurting them. You are looking for a kind way to do it, not to mention, leave you feeling less guilty.

Ok, let's face the facts. They WILL be hurt and chances are, you will feel guilty. Here are some suggestions I hope will help on both counts. I will tell you in advance though, it will never be an easy thing to do.

You may think by leaving a letter or a message on the answering machine, it will be better. The question is, better for who? If you answer that honestly, the answer is you. Never end a relationship this way. It isn't fair to the other person and you know it. If you are afraid of what the other person may do, meet them in a public place.

Do bring the subject up by letting them know you have something serious to discuss. Be honest and tell the other person that the feelings just aren't there anymore.
 Don't blurt out that you want to date the hot chick at work or that you have a date with the guy in the apartment across from yours. This information will achieve nothing and create pain for the other person. Breaking up by provoking the other person so you feel justified is a cowardly thing to do.
 Do be prepared for a very challenging confrontation from the other person. Try not to blow your cool and escalate things. If the conversation reaches a point where everything being said is intended to cause pain or anger, then it's time to leave.
 Don't ever break up thinking that you can always go back if you decide to. Be aware that after they cool down and accept it, they may discover that they no longer have feelings for you.
 Don't stay together for the sole reason of protecting the other person's feelings. This isn't fair to you, nor is it fair to them. Both of you deserve to be in a relationship where you are happy.
 Don't mistake the stage between the euphoria in the first stages of love and the development of a lasting bond as a problem with the relationship. Stick it out and be sure of your reasons for wanting to end things. Just because you don't get butterflies in your stomach at the thought of seeing them anymore doesn't mean you aren't in love.

ęPatricia Fason

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