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10 Ways to Survive a Break Up

by Patricia Fason

Break ups are never easy. You are a bundle of jealous, hurt, angry, resentful emotions. Your mood can swing from depression to bitter anger. The only thing you seem to think about is what went wrong, can I get him/her back or Iíll show him/her. The main theme in your life is ĎHow can I feel better right NOW?í Here are some suggestions that I hope will help.

  1. Friends and Family. I know this may seem obvious but lean on your friends and family. Spend time doing things together, not just talking and thinking about the break up. If this isnít enough, you may consider a support group or counseling.

  2. Resist the urge to beg. You want them back but not at any price. At the time it may seem the right thing to do but think about it. In the long run they will lose respect for you. This doesnít mean donít try to work things out. If there is a chance you can work things out, go for it. However, if your partner has made it clear that in their eyes, the relationship is over, begging will not help and may hurt the situation.

  3. Make a change in your life. Find a new way to spend your time. Take a class, join a gym, adopt a pet, or volunteer. Do anything that will make you feel good about yourself. Your ego is probably feeling bruised right now. Find a way to counteract that.

  4. Understand your mistakes but also realize that you are not a failure. Donít beat yourself up. If you made mistakes, then yes, learn from them but dwelling on what might have been wonít help. It takes two to make a relationship, it also takes two to end one. You werenít the only one who made mistakes. It may not seem useful to you now, but a lot of times the things you learned from this experience will make your next relationship stronger, as long as you make the necessary changes.

  5. Start Dating. You wonít feel like it at first, but donít stay away from other people for an extended period of time. Going out with other people can help the healing process and boast your ego.

  6. Donít fall prey to others. There will be people trying to sell you this or that, guaranteed to win back your partner. Donít let people take advantage of you while you are vulnerable. If you do buy something, understand that while there is a chance it could help, there is also a chance that it wonít.

  7. Take up a hobby. Learn something new. There is probably something youíve always wanted to try but never had the time. You have the time, do it.

  8. Donít rush into another relationship. While starting to date can help you feel better, itís not a good idea to rush right into another relationship. Take time to heal before making any commitments or someone will probably end up getting hurt.

  9. Avoid dwelling on it. I know itís impossible not to think about it, but, if you find yourself doing so for an extended period of time, find a way to take your mind off of it. Call a friend; go to the gym, whatever comes to mind. If nothing seems to work, try this: Make a list of reasons why you are better off now. This could include I have time to do the things I want to do. I can date anyone I want to. I can find a partner who will appreciate me the way I am and stop wasting time on a doomed relationship. Think about the things they did that drove you crazy, because there are some. Donít look back with rose colored glasses and only remember the good things. Donít have the idea in your head that if only we were back together I would be happy. Wrong. Wouldnít they have a lot to answer for if you did get back together? Leaving you was probably the biggest mistake they will ever make. Let them dwell on it, you move on!

  10. Build your ego. Iíve touched on this already but it is very important. Find ways to feel better about yourself. This could be anything from getting a haircut to buying some new clothes. You could take a class on self improvement. If nothing else, you should do this: Make a list of things that make you a great person. Donít sit there and tell me you canít think of anything. I donít buy it. Try again. Are you kind? Patient? Intelligent? Cook like a pro? Can fix anything? There are things that make you great. WRITE them down and whenever you feel low, read your list and add to it. You are you and you are great so donít let anyone ever make you feel that you arenít.

©Patricia Fason

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